Honestly speaking, I feel lonely in school. This is perhaps the first time I had felt this way since I started schooling at the age of 7. Having friends around me has become a norm to me and I have since forgotten what it means to be lonely. No doubt I have Qian, Rach, Sobia, LQ, Jo and Hannah, I cant help but feel lonely and lost at times. We have different timetables and activities and so its rather inevitable that I feel alone at times. The most irritating part is that I do not know my way around school and I cant seem to find all the places that I want to go! I end up feeling tired and frustrated after finding for ages and conquering those bountiful steps around school. I find it so much harder to get friends to accompany me since everyone has their own commitments and so on. Ahh! I feel so useless! Life is getting sickening and I am beginning to dread life! What's wrong with me?
Everyone seems to be M.I.A. I have not seen so many people for ages. Argh! I miss you guys and all your absence is killing me.
All my friends who are starting school tmr, hope you enjoy yourself!

I am beginning to become really paranoid about everything and anything! What's wrong with me? I do not know! Ahhh... Well, I think it is a process that we will all go through as we embark on a brand new journey of our lives in universities. There are always uncertanties that lead to fear and unnecessary worrying and unhappiness. So you are not struggling alone! Many people are going through the same process like you do. School has started fo some of us and I believe in no time, we will all graduate and be out in the working world that seems so cruel and daunting. School, no doubt demanding and stressful, will never be as cruel as the outside world. Treasure the last lapse for the degree that we have yearned so much.
Now, that I have started school and gotten to know some people, I am feeling more settled and less scared. Hmm.. it isnt that difficult to make friends afterall. Honestly, I do have fear of school work. Perhaps, it is because this course is not my forte and so there is this unfounded fear that I cannot perform as well as I expect of myself. Have I taken the wrong path? I know that it is redundant to look back and regret but I cant help but do so. Looking back will only make someone feel insecure. Yeap! I am going to look foward and work hard for a good honors. Whatever it may take, I will just give my best shot. Rachel, you are not alone in this battle ya! We will show what CJC people can do!
As for the rest of you, all the best in your studies! I will always be there when you need me though I can no longer help you in your school work, I can be there to lend a listening ear. Do continue to work hard and may the T09 spirit lingers. Miss all of you badly and take care till we meet. : )

Hey all my friends. I will be away in hostel so anything call me on my hp.. but I think I will be back on tuesday since there is no school on wednesday. Yup, I will be away from home. And quite naturally, I am feeling quite scared and excited at the same time.

Michelle! This entry is especially for you. Just to assure you that nothing will change between us for we have gone through so much. Wherever I may be, I will just be a call away regardless whether I have free incoming call or not. Perhaps the length of time that we can talk on the phone may shorten and the time spent together will not be this often, I assure you that the bond will never be broken. I will miss you dearly. Wherever I may be, I will pray for your safety and happiness in all that you do.

Its been a long time since I have woken up so early in the morning. I have almost forgotten how wonderful the welcoming greetings of a morning breeze. haha.. sounds so poetic. Well, I tracked my tiring way down to NTU today.. not exactly since I was offered a car ride so it was not that long and exhausting. haha..BUT, I reached there at 8.30am when it was supposed to start at 9am. WOW. So I rotted my time away in the toilet. I felt uneasy at first but felt better after I met a Viet girl whom I managed to engage a conversation with. So fun! The talks were not as boring as I thought and I quite enjoyed it. Actually, I felt so elated to be back in a lecture theatre.. haha. Hmm... Met a lot more sweet and nice ppl in my group.. Doesnt seem as bad as I thought afterall. Well, but the academic component seems demanding..: ( looking at a tough but challenging journey ahead of me. Can't wait!

The feeling in me has been so heavy recently and I feel that I can't breathe anymore. I feel totally lousy about myself. So many things are running through my mind and fear is engulfing me. I feel like a useless bum who fears about almost everything under the sun ranging from school, friends, health and so so many more. I feel I cannot cope. Everyone seems to be so adjusted to new things but I m just a turtle who doesnt dare to emerge from my shell.. my comfort zone. Honestly, I am really scared of school !!!! Hostel living sounds fun but I fear I cannot with cope it. School work sounds demanding and I do not think I am as capable as ppl think I am. I am scared of expectations.. they simply kill. I have gone thru it in A's and i do not want History to repeat itself again. Maybe, I am pushing myself too much since I am not that intelligent afterall. I am normal girl struggling to peg up with others. Ah!!!! I think I can go on forever. Just wanted to spill my feelings out. Will be meeting ppl from my sch tmr. Hope everything will be fine for Rachel and I.

I didnt go for camp!!! So upsetting!!!!! hiaz.. Went to the National Skin Centre on Monday (18.07.05) to treat my rashes... the doc says its uticaria.. haha.. sounds so chim ... anyway, there's a cure for it but it will take a long time since my rashes have been dragging for almost a yr!!!!!!! so ya... given pills to eat at night and in the morning... HOWEVER. the night pill will cause drowsiness and the next morning, I will feel like someone has knocked me on my head.. hangover feeling.. hahahahaha... But I will be ok soon.. I hope...

My hostel room is quite nice.. haha.. I think so.. very secluded and a lot of privacy... hmm.. but its going to be scary at night!!!!! haha... no one to protect me...Qian Hui and I r trying to make our room as cosy as possible... hehe..

Feeling excited and scared at the same time.. hmmmmmmm

Went for driving today and had fun though my instructor kept nagging.. haha.. thats their usual... Driving is really fun.. haha.. I really love it.. He says I m good today.. and he is sure i can pass if i maintain this standard.. haha.. that is IF>..?

Met this active little girl in the MRT on my way to driving school.. she is really cute... haha.. a very active 8 months old girl who kept kicking me... haha... I think she wanted to make frens with me, thats why... haha...

Well.. as for my sickening rashes.. I will be seeking medical help from the National skin centre.. cant take it anymore... hiaz.. thanx for all ya concern... I will be spotless again.. haha.....

Happy Birthday Hannah!!!!!!!

Finally changed my blogskin... I did it all by myself... so proud... Yeap...
So excited to move into hall.. haha... hmm...and hope that the camp will be fun!!!!!!!

T 09 memories!!!!!!!!

Met my PW dearies yesterday at city hall... ate at out of the pan.. where they sell crepes and so on.. not bad food.. the only thing is that we had to eat under the scrutiny of policemen.. haha... So many of them at raffles city.. !!!!!!! Excessive !!!!!!!!! well, its good that we r cautious...

Had fun with them... always love such outings with my PW mates... !!!!!! : )

Maybe i m being over-demanding... wanting so much from my parents.. i want their support, care and concern ... I want them to know that i m really scared of starting sch... afriad that i cannot make any friends.. that i will be alienated.. no one likes me.. I cannot cope with my work.. I m lost in the school... I m so scared... never have i felt this insecure before... I want them to be concerned but they dun seem to care... All they know is the course that i will be embarking on but i doubt they even know the other details... Am i asking too much? I dunno... i m just very nervous.. as the day approaches, I m feeling the creeps.. My head is spinning...

hey guys.. i will be having my driving test on 16th august 2005 at 3.35pm-5.00pm..... haha.. really hope i pass the first time though i know its kind of difficult with my kind of standard... haha... yar yar.. but driving is very fun lah.. really.. hehe... pray for me my frens!!!!!!!!

Happy 19th Birthday Sheena!!!!!!!! Though we have not met for a super long time, u will never be forgotten ya... miss ya.. may our friendship continue to blossem and grow as we begin a new chapter in our lives... take care my dear... : )

Today, I had a meaningful day spent at 2 elderly centres. Its my first volunteer work done in the name of youth challenge. I finally understand what it means to give and in return, receive something so valuable that one can ever quantify. Today, we gave out dumplings, something that is so common to us during the festive season. However, to them, many of which are destitutes, is a priceless gift they receive from us. The short spend of time that we exchanged upon handling the dumplings into their hands was a marvellous feeling. The smile that broke out on their faces brought much joy to my heart. Although, I hardly understood what they shared with me, I knew they appreciated the time we spent with them and lending them a listening ear.

The spirit of optimissm was something that truly impressed me. Having understood their state of living, one cannot but marvel at their strength and perseverance. Surviving on a mere $250 a month that has to be spent on utility, rental and many more... In a one-room flat that is as small as some of our bedrooms... All alone at home... It requires a whole load of strength to keep one going....

There is so much that one can do and also learn from others... spread a little love and bring some joy to others... it doesnt require much effort and all it takes is a sharing heart... Spread Love and happiness!!!!!!!!

well.. only 5 turned up on friday... so sad ah... haha.. but we had fun singing at the beach and had an ang moh man who kept smiling at us cos we were singing... haha...
Then we went to sit some train ride that was super bumpy but fun!!!!! Took almost all the buses we could find.. haha.. .I felt a tourist!!!!!!Sentosa is going through many changes.. hehe... looks good... well, the next class outing is on the 10th july.. will be going through the teacher's day songs.. hope more will turn up... hiaz... Come k.. everyone...!!!!!!!